TECHNIQUES FOR RESOLVING CONFLICTS

Here is a leader’s toolbox of techniques for conflict resolution (along with with talking stick, “It” and “Other” bags, and lots of patience) to use by themselves or in combination with one another. Remember that there is no one-way to resolve conflict. If girls become accustomed to dealing with conflict within the troop setting, they will gain skills that last them a lifetime.

Active Listening – Listen to each side of the conflict

• The leader or one of the girls’ acts as “listener,” restating or paraphrasing what each of the people involved in the conflict has said.

• Use phrases such as “It sounds like you said…” or “You are saying… “Do you mean…?” whatever sounds most natural, to get clarification. These phrases can help you discover the main reason for the conflict so that you can resolve it quickly.

• The listener draws out the main reason for the conflict through the questioning process.

• Once the main reason for conflict is identified, it goes to mediation.

Time Out

• Establish a quiet place where girls in conflict can go for a “time-out” period of specific length. (Girls doing this need to know the steps in mediation.)

• Ask them to return to the leader or group with a solution based on mediation.

Role Reversal

• Have each girl describe the conflict as if she were the other person. This can help girls see each other’s points of view.

• Discuss possible solutions to the problem from both sides. Look at what would happen with each solution.

• Discuss what methods to use to resolve the conflict.

Skillful Listening

• Model active and attentive listening. Be sure to look at the person speaking.

• Wait (actually pause) after asking a question so a girl has a chance to answer.

• Avoid interrupting girls.

• Be aware of body language (yours and theirs); make your body language and facial expressions match what you are saying.

• Avoid putdown and sarcasm in talking about anyone, and make sure girls understand tha these behaviors are not acceptable in a group meeting.

• Positive communication among yourself and girls is a large step toward avoiding conflicts in your group.

• Focus on the action, not the girl.

• Have the girl arrive at a solution for her behavior.

• Do not say anything in haste or in a way that you might regret later. Count to 10, and remember that you are speaking to an individual child in front of her peers.

• Be fair at all times.

• Ask girls how they can apply the Girl Scout Law to this situation to resolve the problem.

Mediation

• The leader or girl trained in mediation acts as the mediator, explaining that she is here to help the girls in conflict reach a solution.

• Each girl tells her side of the story without interruption, describing the problem and saying what happened.

• Then each girl suggests some possible solutions.

• Together the girls choose one solution that works for both of them.

REMINDERS:

• Conflicts may arise when poor communication occurs

• Conflict is inevitable within relationships

• Identify the reasons for conflict with peers

• Identify positive and negative ways to resolve conflict

• Agree that you disagree

• Take turns talking and listening

• Restate what you heard

• Come up with a solution

• Get outside help if you need it

• Have group consider solutions

• Develop a solution.